As you fade away
by boyumling
Summary: SASUNARU.very angsty.open ending.i suck in giving summaries so pease read and find out.Warning: boyxboy,language the f-word


**A/N: Uh..well lots of angst. Lots. My last fic sucked. Just fucked up a job interview so here i am drowning into depression. Sigh! 21 and jobless. Anyway people.. Please read and be gentle. Peace. Naruto isn't mine. **

Its Naruto's narration . Like his pov.

AS YOU FADE AWAY

I lie in the bed watching the minute hand of the clock slowly tick away. Its funny how loud it sounds across the silence and stillness of the room. It is a torturous music to me. I hate it. Reminds me of a death toll. I am still waiting for you to come home Sasuke. Everyday i wait. But it seems as though I always manage to fall asleep before you slide slowly into the sheets and hold my arm while sleeping.

Its beautiful waking up in your arms every morning. Its feels so full of love that it seems almost believable. So real. I fight with myself sometimes as I'm tempted to kiss you. The same playful ones you used to shower me with every morning. Are you kissing her right now? Do you think of me when you are in her? The smell of sex and woman you carry from your night destroys the only dream that i so desperately want to believe in. The only reality I want to hang on to. But its asking too much from you ne Sasuke?

I wonder which woman you are with right now. Are you with her the same way as you were with me? The same passion we shared. Last night was Karin. It's not like I wanted to know. But the thank you note lying with a bunch of roses on our doorstep was quite hard to ignore.

I wish you fell in love with one of them. I could easily leave you,happy that you have found love. But i know why you do it. Its for power. Isn't it? It's the same reason you ran away from your home. For power and money. Sometimes I wonder if I did the right thing bringing you back. It was utter foolishness on my part to believe that you would change. That i could change you. What was i thinking?Uzumaki Naruto is nothing but a joke now. It is i now instead who is changing. I can't bear to see myself on the mirror. What have I become? I can neither stay with you nor can I run away.

So i sit here like a good lover and best friend and wait for you. Wait and watch you fuck the boss's wife or some random company's owner you met in your business parties. Watch you wash away the stains of murder from your hands. How i wish i could disappear like that! Like blood washed away down the drain. Down into nothingness.

I hear you come home. Maybe this time im lucky. You are slightly drunk and stagger into the room. The musky smell mixed with the reek of alcohol makes me want to either throw up or cry like crazy. Maybe i'll end up doing both. I watch you as you struggle to take off your clothes. Seeing your body marred with hickeys and scars make me wonder how could i have ever loved you. How your body fascinated me and made love to me. Now in my eyes Sasuke there is nothing as loathsome as your body. I stopped loving you the moment i gave up on you. I started to pity you from then Sasuke, nothing but pity.

"Still awake? I told you not to wait for me , dobe." Your voice is as cold as your eyes. How i hate your cold calculating eyes. The false sense of logic you belive in.

"Could not sleep. I was not waiting for you." I answer trying to sound casual hiding the storm within me.

"Then sleep." Yeah! As if i was expecting you to fuck me for a change. I would rather drink poison than sleep with you.

"Night." I pull up the sheets but being near you in this state is suffocating me. Im so tired of this suffering. I can't bear it. I sit up ready to face you. Face my fears.

"Sasuke i think we have to end this?"

"What 'this' dobe?" Why are you mocking me Sasuke? Are you enjoying this?

"Us Sasuke!This relationship is fake. A lie. I can't live like this. We don't belong to each other anymore. "

"No! " It shocks me for a while. Its sounds so real. But i have long learnt to differentiate love from sadistic possessiveness.

"Listen Uzumaki. You aren't going anywhere. Who are you to decide whom do you belong to?"

"W-what? Sasuke its my life. I decide it. I'm sick of you and your affairs. It's not how I want it to be. "

You smirk as you answer "I don't know what you are talking about." How easily your mouth adorns the lies you throw at me. So confident. Lie to me. It's not something I haven't done. I lie to myself every day. That we will be 'we' again. Lie to me Sasuke. Make me believe it.

I smile. "I can't take it anymore. I'm leaving."

I stand up only to be stopped by the fierce grip you have on my arm.

"Let go Sasuke. Please."

You pull me back and throw me on the bed. We struggle in the sheets. I try as much as I can to distance myself from you. What am I fighting for? Whom am I fighting against? Your vice like grip on my hand is starting to numb it. We don't say anything. There is nothing to say. Our struggle says it all. There is pain in your eyes. Pain that is mirrored in my eyes. I touch your face. We are alike but so different.

"Let me go. You won't have to live with guilt at least. I can't help you Sasuke."

"Then you should never have come searching for me in the first place. You are not going anywhere. You knew from the start how I am. Then why?"

"I loved you then."

"And now?" Yes and now? I ask myself where did it go? What happened to our love?

"Let me go Sasuke." I plead there is fear mixed with pain in your eyes. You look so vulnerable. So innocent that I almost want to change my mind.

"I will kill you. Go and it will be the end of both of us." You harshly let go off my hand.

Your voice is cold again but i can see it all in your eyes. They are the windows to the heart after all. I understand you now. I'm your only link to a normal life. The only thing keeping you sane. But being with you is making me insane. I can never be happy with you. Your happiness is not mine. I have never felt so hopeless before. I curl into a ball and the first of my suppressed tears start falling. I can feel you hesitate as you reach out in an attempt to console me.

"Don't! Don't you dare touch me. At least give me that much freedom!"

You retreat and lay down to sleep. I cry my heart out. Tonight I won't stop my tears. I don't care if you see it as weakness. I'm weak. I quit. I hear you snore softly. I feel so tempted to put my hands in your neck and wring your life slipping away as mine returns. But I can't. I don't hate you that much. You look angelic in your sleep. I can stay up all night just watching you like this. Your purest form.

"nh..Naruto...don't leave." You mumble slowly stuck in the realm of your nightmares. Your request stuns me out of my stupor. You really are pathetic Sasuke. Look at what you have become. I smile at your foolish hunger for power. Maybe I'll just stay the night. The last night I'll endure just to see you fade away into your darkness. Tomorrow is a new day. This home will only be an empty place for you and a memory for me. Tomorrow.. I promise myself as I drift away into the night. Goodnight Sasuke.

**A/N: uh..Yeah that was...I don't know what that was. Negativity oozing out I guess.**Tell me if i should extend it or a oneshot is ok.** Please review. If you want to. ja ne**


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